The time to write is now, during your postpartum

 What can writing do for you? What can it do for you during postpartum?

These were my questions annoying me throughout my own postpartum. As I was bonding with my newborn more than ever before this call to speak up and write was real. I wanted to talk about so many things. But I felt my mind struggling to remain clear and also felt too emotional. Plus, I have this low confidence in my writing. I make mistakes. I sometimes lose train of thought, forget words, forget a sentence because I spoke it out aloud and thought I typed it, I hate to reread what I wrote (it makes me feel unnatural, I'll get to into perfection!). Of course, some things matter in reading languages. Especially now with the technology for text to be read out loud, it's important for the reader to understand. I have to truly put intention into something, I have to value my own voice, I am not alone, and there's enough space for my voice. I'm sure these insecurities stem from childhood so I take myself off the hook. Therefore, I believe that as I write it is an extension of me, and there's not enough stories of US! 

I figured while struggling to breastfeed there were conversations that I did not see come up while I was figuring things out with baby girl still in the womb. I like to know things ahead of time best I can, it is a privilege, to be prepared. Had I been informed about my possible situation I could've tried to set myself up better. To be honest I wanted greater community, I wanted to be held and seen. These feelings were deep, these feelings were raw, and I felt so confused because the after-birth feelings had given me a high. The feelings were strong to connect to sit with my sisters and great mothers. Although I did not have that, I had turned to my virtual support system, Instagram and podcasts. I had got invited to do two different podcast shows and I began telling my story. I definitely was shaky and nervous just hearing myself speak up about how things transitioned for me as I entered motherhood. But I felt heard and seen. Was it perfect, no. But that's just me training my voice to know my power.  

To be honest, after birthing my first born I could not write much. Which I thought was concerning because prior to her arrival I wrote all the time throughout my pregnancy and even prior to that. And, even after reaching out to connect with someone they suggested to write/journal. I was really upset, because I felt I wanted and needed to utilize my voice and not my written one. Honestly, I didn't want to feel alone in what I was enduring. I felt journaling only still had me sitting with my story, it felt unnatural to not be surround with women. I was literally doing something so natural yet unheard of. Of course, the inner child in me wanted my hand held, could ya blame me, ha-ha. This experience became my right of passage into motherhood and my next phase in life. 

As times passes, I felt like I thought too much about what I wanted to say which then makes it really hard to create a great sentence and paragraph. It felt intimidating and unhelpful for me. I did not write much for a while. However, recently after turning to poetry I have appreciated long form and short form of writing. I want to write about my life, postpartum, motherhood, failures, love, successes, travels, problems of the world, trauma, nature, food, arts, the future, the spirits, and death. I want to discuss it all and be heard- I'm okay with wanting to be heard and maybe not now but left for the future- it makes me proud to know that I am human and natural- not a feeling to be ashamed of for wanting to shame in storytelling! 

"Take the curve"

There was healing in writing. I found self-compassion, strengthen my emotional awareness and resilience. Holding too many emotions inside was not helping me heal especially after giving birth, but I too, needed to hear my voice, see my words, see my how I made it out. As someone with lasting effects from chronic invalidation, this release and recognition has been crucial for a more fulfilling life.

 

Writing can do wonders. Writing can evoke a new path, forge new connections, take you places without leaving, remind you or empowering you, and bring new and old worlds together or envisioned so differently and colorfully. The magic created an audience, and your writing can be heard, seen, felt. The craft of writing is a cherished form of communication, especially, when our voices are under attack. Nowadays, we can be seen and heard in so many places in the world. Our voices matter for the future and for the now. The distance between us has changed in so many ways. And I'm here to say that writing has been pivotal, and I willing to embrace this challenge. So, I encourage you to begin writing, start silly, wild, unsure, loose, with poetry, naked, outdoors, on a plane, a lunch break, between a nap and before the dishes, take a moment for you. Remember our voices. And, if you still struggle, connect with me or search the world wide web. There is an enormous writing community for all creatives and artists. Don't let time rob you. Our fight to write is alive. Our fight to be heard is even greater. 

In community,

With sweet love,

Kae