Medicine from the Garden does not Cure Anger

Hellllo. Hola mis Amores. It's been a while and today I have something to write about that is very related and well experienced in my life: Cannabis and Anger. As a woman, as a mother, and a married partner, smoking the power flower was supposed to bring me more peace, more tranquility within and less stress! That is not always the outcome.

*I began this post at a very difficult time. I left my house along with a packed bag, I did not leave with my daughter, I went alone. I was furious. I was filled with disappointment, anger, I had enough. Honestly, my intentions were to send an alarming message to my partner, my daughter's father, that I am no longer tolerating his behavior, his lack, his mishandling me, and I had enough of myself. I just wanted space, time to gather myself, to clear my mind, and gain some self-control. Therefore, I wanted to write about cannabis and anger because it has been an overwhelming issue for a very long time. Also, I do believe there is a very common misconception about consuming plant medicine and the behavioral outcomes of those consuming-like once we consume, we are some perfect highly intoxicated individuals who are so peaceful and tolerate of anything. Honestly, that's some bullshit. 

I did not want what my father gave us to experience, nor did I expect the D.A.R.E. program to lay out my path either when it comes to consuming plant medicine. I believe the best thing these experiences did was to show firsthand how crucial is to learn critical thinking skills, conflict management, and best practices for your health. Therefore, my father, and these school programs, concluded for me the harms of smoking cigarettes, the secondhand smoke, and alcoholism.  Crazy enough these products are known, well marketed and sold to communities, they are marketed to mainly black and brown populations-our youths. And, as a teen, I witnessed a lot more harm and damage from alcohol than any other substance deemed bad. 

I witnessed a lot of anger, mainly from men, my father. Even though he was smoking the flower, I did not understand his lashing out, his morning to dinner anger, his anger towards my mother, his anger towards his children, and especially me. This was so conflicting as I grew up. I recall when I consumed, I never got angry, if anything I got the munchies, and wanted to go for a walk or watch a movie with friends and had enjoyable sex with my partners at the time. I, mean as a young adult I had anger, but this hatred displayed within family scared me, all I ever wanted to do was love more, laugh more, this plant medicine was great. However, those tender young maiden years were not calling this green goddess medicine, I had no deep connection. It grew over time, and I found community with the plant, I found people that felt better with the plant. 

One point in my life, I thought our family problems would dissipate if my mother just smoked with my father. Little did I realize, this plant is not for everyone, not for every trauma, not for every mental issue or disorder. It was never going to fix our family issues, never going to fix my father, never going to fix me and my issues with life. Fortunately, life gave me a few chances to learn the lesson early on, and going into motherhood I knew I needed to reevaluate my relationship with the plant. 

Therefore, remembering how dependent the plant medicine can become, how it can work for me, it is important to understand how it will impact my future relationship with my daughter, and work for me in my future. Although, I never felt desperate to maintain this dependence, I sure did enjoy it- a lot!

No shame in my game, it soothed a lot of daily struggles for me, I was able to do my breathe work, I took a moment to connect with fire, wind, and some green grass. How, and why did so many people make this plant so evil, so inaccessible, so demeaning to grow, consume, and apply to our lives? Who has that much control, who is that angry at a plant? What a silly game to play. So much anger in the world, within families, within ourselves. So much control on how we should act, live, and express...over a plant that grows in the ground. It is absurd honestly this war on so called drugs. The impact that these systems had really damaged families, communities, and people's futures. I' am one of those people that this plant has been a tool in my mental and physical relief. I' am aware this plant has saved so many people as well. The green goddess has been a tool for so many in regards to healing, to financial empowerment, to relaxation, to building material alternatives, to textiles, to culture, for mothers, children, and our connection to nature. 

To conclude this post: Since becoming a mother, a married woman, my rage never went away and although plant medicine can help, I really had to take myself accountable and understand why. This was, and is very difficult, society does not allow for this time and opportunity. Motherhood does not always allow you the gentle space to grieve your emotions. I realized I had to prioritize my issue with anger and be extra gentle with myself. I did not have a good support system or tools to learn and care for my feelings, my anger, my rage, my grief, nor did I handle other people's emotions either. I recognized that boundaries are so important to learn, to have and to uphold. 

Plant medicine soothes but it is not a complete cure all! And I'm sure a lot of us, wish we would have easy quick fixes, it's what was fed to us from an early start- those shortcuts. Any way you apply the plant it has some beautiful benefits from young to old, I'm a firm believer! Please continue to advocate for informed decision making with plant medicines, accessibility, and safe spaces. Power to the Flower!