Power in Her Flower

 

I am not going to lie; my birth story was so significant and life altering for me. At 33 years old, I already had envisioned this beautiful baby girl in my life, and I told myself I was going to have a child by the age of 33. Prior to becoming pregnant, I was not very proactive or rushing to carry a baby and I had a whole decade of being in relationships and I've never had a positive pregnancy result, in that relationship I was becoming to accept becoming pregnant was not in my future. Since my vision while in another relationship, I was very curious whom I was going to have this baby girl with and why, I was very interested in finding out. So, having a pregnancy where I am in control and navigating my voyage from maiden to mother on my own was my choice. But community was a huge part of this journey that was missing, that was lost, and I worked hard in gathering and entering places that could have supported me. 

My living situation did not work well in my favor, and living a different lifestyle quickly shown me how access and privileged to things that make life easier and comfortable had changed. This experience also shown me how these systems that have claimed our true freedoms, really do neglect us spiritually and mentally. I felt and seen all these disconnections in life, where we are tethered to when we shouldn't be, where we misplace feeling alive, where we believe we are successful but realize the true cost of such "success". The surface level living in and around me wanted to scream and run away and start over. And so, with my pregnancy I wanted to see how much power I really have, how good is my intuition, how much do I already know, and what if I just return to the sacred transition of motherhood like my ancestors. 

So, after this amazing experience of the birthing portal and feeling the orgasmic rush of delivering life into this world with all that I had and all that I believed in, me, I felt like such an odd ball when I shared the news. I was met with disbelief, I was met with fear and projections, I was met with discomfort and uncertainty, little cheer all fear from those that knew me, those that raised me, and those that had children already. Now this I really was amazed at because not only did I excel at having an intervention free pregnancy and birth, but it was also not good enough for the "village". I couldn't stand out, I couldn't be the one to do things differently, I couldn't believe in myself all the way through, I couldn't design my own destiny, I couldn't trust what I know. I suppose I held expectations that I was going to have cheerleaders all the way through and after, but I take responsibility for that, partially. My conclusion is that the community needs to be resurrected and cleansed. Community is everything to mothers, to fathers, for babies and evolving children, and for families. Community is love, one of the greatest forms of love to exist. 

One day after what felt like such an unnecessary battle of finding community, finding sisterhood in this new journey of motherhood I felt so depressed, so confused, and lonely, (I really thought I would have much more support during this time in my life than ever before) I was really hoping to be held, and not in my partner's arms, I wanted to be held by my mother, by my friends, whom I watched paved the way, honestly, I wanted to be held by woman that aspire to be held too. I really did envision this big embrace, and I am not ashamed of that now. I think it is part of my beauty and heart energy. And, during this emotional, spiritual beat up, I decided I really need inspiration, I needed something to save me. I felt so unsupported and wrong for wanting support, but I knew it was crucial. So, this day I used what I had available, my phone. I wanted to cultivate an online community, I wanted to share my story, I wanted to inspire more, I wanted to belong and thrive, and my best resource was Instagram. I was already inspired by so many and learned so much, I knew this would be the place to grow. 

Therefore, I simply changed my IG handle. I was inspired by my own birth story, and then Power in Her Flower came alive. I felt my own shift; I was ready to embrace this manifestation of a community filled with cocreation and coherence. I also wanted to call in more women, more people of different walks of life who can relate to the power of the flower. I learned through the silence that growth is through connection, and we don't grow alone, we are nourished and thrive by shared elements of the earth. I wanted us to remember, recall, reconnect together, and share out reflections along the way. 

Even though, I am not gonna lie, I have felt very powerless since this embodiment at times. And I' am so grateful for the constant reminder of who and what I am. Some days were so hard to get through, to survive through, and I was often very hard on myself. Even with this simple change I felt the Imposter Syndrome creep in. Silly me though, I had to remind myself that this wasn't just about my birth story, this was about all the I kept silent to make others more comfortable, this was all the little girl's dreams that had perished and were lost, this was all about the success and confidence I grew and blossomed- I did not collapse, I soared. And through this pressure, I remembered my power, our power. 

I persist ! I love it here. Community is strengthening and growing. My abundance is flowing and aligned. I hope I continue to show up as myself, and community, and follow my intuition. Our shift, our pivots, and our deep inner work is our revolution right now. Our total feminine shift and transformation is changing the infrastructure they've held hostage from our heart connection and collaboration. 

May we gather under the sun once again. 

💜Kaeyla 

Power.In.Her.Flower 🌹🌻🌺